Flowers of Doom

Flowers of Doom

No, I can’t meet you anymore, don’t you see I am not even comfortable even talking with you right now, I don’t think I can deal with your behavior like what you did on my birthday. How could even you have said those things? I first thought may be somehow I can tolerate it, but when I see you all that anger comes back to me, everything you said keeps echoing in my ears and makes me restless. I don’t know I am doing the right thing or wrong, but I have decided it and I can’t change it now.

She kept saying me things and I was standing there wondering what just happened in last 4 months. We did have an ugly argument and then I tried to mend things. They were not working anyway. I tried to keep away from her, I thought maybe that will help her calm down, but it did not. Everything that I acted upon thinking positively just came back on me. No, this can’t be happening to me. I am not yet ready to lose her. Not yet. If I could find some way to explain her that may be what I did in the past was some way for saving my relation with her. And now I am standing here in front of her and she is letting me go. How could I tell her that I cried days and night for 2 months. How could I tell how much I needed her. And how could I tell her how much I loved her.

Till it Hurts

Today its here, tomorrow it'll be gone
I am in your arms tonight, but alone.
My heart beats, still every beat counts,
A tear in my eye, because of you.

I stand today with you, a shadow
Like you forgot me in time,
That passes day by day your window,
I still smile, and I don't know why,
I still sit alone and cry,

I can't remember a thing of you,
Just few photographs with me , True,
A canvas of colors, spread careless,
And every breath of mine, worthless,

But I still live, every night, passing by,
I do dream, every moment in my eye.
I hold tight, what I can of you,
I ache everyday, Every thought, every view.

A tear in my eye, glitter cause of you,
One more dull day and night to live
More of it every moment as it'll pass,
And I'll love, till it hurts or I last.

All be left

Some hearts true, some hearts broken,
Some tears shed, feelings unspoken,
A day of dream, a night love made,
Some smiles true, some smiles faked.
A moment of hope, a year of wait,
A day early, a date too late,
Too much to say, and few words,
A healing heart, it still hurts..
A feeling to nurture, still going further,
Where'll it end? Where did it began?
A road beneath our feet,
A sky above our head,
A lonely tune playing on radio,
Few memories, need to forget,
So today, or tomorrow,
It'll all be here, and alone all be left.

Nothing else to give you more

Nothing else to give you more,

After my love and my life,

After my care to share with you,

What else are you thinking of?

After my attention and affection,

After my company to you life long,

No other feelings ever been so strong,

What else are you thinking of?

After my body and my soul,

Now for you playing this role,

Being what you want me to be,

Have faith and you will see.

What else are you thinking of?

I have nothing greater to give you more.

How to say I Love You

Never I felt the need of your help.
For everything I believe in myself.
But if your desire is really true.
Then tell me,
"How to say I need you?"

I never felt someone is so special,
For my life who had became essential,
So if your charm is really true,
Then tell me,
"How to say I like you?"

Never I had felt you near my heart,
Felt always you were far and apart,
But if your care is really true,
"Then tell me how to say I miss you?"

Never I believe so much on my fate,
That ever I can get you,
So if your Love is really true,
Then tell me,
"How to say I love you?"

Fallen

This is a poem for the Broken hearts...

Too late to say, too late to agree,
Here I let you go, I let you free,
I am fallen, I'll keep falling,
Please don't try again to hold me.

How odd it is, when you are not around.
I hate silence and I hate every sound,
I can't live in dark, I can't bear light,
I want everything near and everything out of sight.

I keep smiling in pain, I lament in rejoice,
I'd to live somehow, It's how I made a choice.
I hate you so much, I don't agree,
I love you so much, I don't deny.

I 'm neither gloomy today,
Nor I'm doped high,
I don't want to tell the truth,
I don't want anymore to lie.

I'm fallen for you and I'll keep falling,
If you hold me it'll do more harm.
I'm broken, I'll keep breaking,
So just let me melt in your arms.

Not Today Poem Song

It seems like blue sky,
Like it is in your eyes,
I know someday somewhere,
If not today, not today, not today,
You wil cry, you will cry, you will cry,
Like tears in my eyes,
I know why, I know why, I know why.

One day you'll be all alone,
One day I'll be gone,
And then my love for you,
Wont be as its true.
And then you'll realise,
Of the tears in my eyes,
Of the things I said was true,
Of the love I had for you,
But not today, not today, not today.

You dont think what it means for me,
What it means for me,
What it means to me,
The Blue sky in your eyes,
The Blue sky in your eyes,
But not today, Not today Not today.


My first full song with music. You can also download the song.
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What's Forever?

The shine of the Sun,
The light of the Moon,
Or the perspiration drops,
On forehead in summer noon?

The chimes of the bell,
Ringing at a distance,
The prayers to the lord,
Or the Lord himself?

What's forever? What's forever?

The memories of you, whom I miss,
More than a longing kiss,
In my breath, Your lingering scent,
Countless moments together we spent,
A dream of you, I'm trying to chase,
A brightened smile on your face.

What's forever? Whats forever?

Few words spoken straight and true,
Or a lie which you knew.
A piece me wisdom or thought in mind,
Or the selfless love you find?

What's forever? Whats forever?

--
Sent from my mobile device

The Magical Drink

One day the king and queen of Satpura province decided to go for hunting. Early in the morning they left towards jungle with artillery weapons, food, water and a group of ten soldiers.

A long time passed but they did not find any animal in the jungle. It disappointed the king and the queen. So after lunch they decided to go a little further but asked the soldiers to stay there and wait for them until they return.

As they moved ahead the jungle got darker and darker. The queen spotted a deer wandering behind the bushes. They started following it carefully watching their path from stepping over snake or scorpions. Near a small pond amid big sal trees the deer stopped to drink water, when the king decided to hunt him. As he shot the arrow the deer turned into a big evil ghost who angrily turned towards the king,

“You have enraged me. Now I’ll eat you both.”

Stories of a ghost in the jungles of Satpura were known from quite a long time. He had tricked and killed many innocent people before also. So the king decided to fight with him. The brave king, with his bows and arrows wounded the ghost but before running away he sneezed on the king and queen and due to his poisonous saliva they fell sick.

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Sunshine

When the sun rises on the morning hill,
My hopes are high and my heart is still,
As the rays fall on the blades of  grass,
Your smile fills all dark corner's life has.

I pick up my tools and start my day,
With you guiding through my way.
My heart sings along every pretty song,
Humming to your tunes all day long.

As I work, I think of you,
How you brighten it up, everyday as new.
If I feel low, you hold me tight,
If every things a mess, you tell me its alright.

Just keep up your smile, while you walk every mile,
When you are sad, you'll find me closer than you had.
And when the night sets us apart,
You'll be the sunshine in my heart.

She is Alone

The house to the west of Saket Garden was hardly ever lively. Tainted paint and texture of water leakage on the walls of building resembled to the poorly managed college hostels. Its second floor was one of those places which always seem to be deserted. No one lives and no one cares. Windows remained closed, no one ever came to its balcony and there was never a sound. But when you look at it, a tinge of curiosity prevails on your face. No one likes emptiness; no one has to be so lonely. Not even this floor. The curiosity to know was eating Sohit up, day and night, for the past one month. Since he had shifted to the building across the road he could not ignore it.

Once he invited his local friend Shanu and asked her about it but she did not seem to care either. It must be one of those unoccupied apartments in the area, she said. This did not answer Sohit's questions at all. But did he know the questions himself? He had an increasingly growing urge to discover something about it. The feeling was almost burning him from inside. He has to find out about it on his own or his thoughts will eat him alive. For some reason he was suspicious and fearful of what he may find. So he decided to make paper chits of the days from Monday to Sunday and then lift one randomly. Thursday it came and that was it! He left the consequences to fate.

On Thursday morning it rained so he postponed his quest till evening. He had waited weeks for this day and not being able to go there proved to be terribly unsettling. He could not finish his lunch. He almost felt choked inside. The unknown fear was driving him crazy. Was there something that was trying to stop him from going? Is it really empty? Is it a ghost house? Is there someone dead inside? Not able to contain the puzzling outbursts, he left for the building in the afternoon itself. The door to the apartment was closed. He raised his hand and as he was about to knock, he stopped and decided against it. He went up and knocked on the apartment on the third floor. No one answered. He went down and knocked on the apartment on ground floor. To add to his fears, no one answered there either. He returned to his room as soon as he could.

 

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How I met Haseen a Love Story Retold

Month of May is when the harsh cruel summer of Delhi starts unveiling its true colours. Trees don't talk, birds don't fly, squirrels don't dance and men run around to find cover from the fireball. All you can do is to look up helplessly at the glaring white sky and pray the God of rain to bless with some shower. But God likes to play games! It would tease for a little while, sprinkle for few minutes and just when, with the humming of clouds, the hopes will blossom in heart, you find it's all gone! In a blink of the eye every single drop of rain vaporises from the thirsty crust leaving so much anger and humidity behind.

I hate anger and run away from it as far as I can. This time I decided to escape to Home. Now, over the years, bizarre incidents have happened and continue to happen in my train journeys. Sometimes I meet old friends and find out that they have become hippies, sometimes I meet soldiers from Kargil war with breathtaking stories almost choking you with action, excitement, emotion, drama and post war trauma, sometimes there is a criminal in chains travelling by my side with weird habits of praying Goddess Durga and chanting mantras, sometimes I find myself alone with a girl in the compartment and we end up journey without even knowing names and sometimes even people have got shot! So you can imagine that in these journeys I had met all types of people you can possibly hope but then I met someone I would not have thought of even in my dreams. I met Haseen!

Now like every other, well cultured, well mannered mama's boy in our country, I avoid a direct stare at the girls. But then they say that sometimes angels descend from heaven! My eyes were unshakably fixed on her and suddenly I realized that everyone else was staring back at me. I was embarrassed but unusually the train was not crowded and I was ashamed less for my act. But gosh! Could I have helped! Had I ever seen anyone as calm, serene and graceful as her! Apparently I can find my peace even in the most turbulent emotional chaos. And I did as soon as the train started to loco mote. Unlike the still stagnant summer, now the trees started to run, poles approached, rivers passed, bridges howled and just as we ran past the Delhi border, birds started to fly. In the world outside the window there are enough wonders for my amusement. But then darkness comes and everything covers under the night leaving just trail of yellow light bulbs flashing in the distant villages and ghettos. She was sitting opposite me in the long lower berth and occasionally my eyes met hers and I always found her smiling. For some time I thought she's smiling at me and I smiled back. But soon I realized that she is not a sadistic pessimist moron like me but a happy in life person.

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Ghost in my Closet

As the sunsets I get a little afraid,
There is a ghost in my closet my friends said,
She has red eyes and white teeth,
You can never understand what she speaks,
You can never see her face,
It's hidden behind her long hair,
It's always dark in the closet but,
Someone said she is fair,
She comes out only on moonless nights,
Her eyes sparkling like diamond, so bright,
Sometimes I feel I can hear her grin,
When it'll be all silent and tiptoeing I'll walk in,
I fear too much to open its door,
But some way I wanted to know more,
So I decided I'll talk to her,
I go close to my closet and whisper,
Pretty ghost, pretty ghost why do you hide,
Come out and play with me,
Pretty ghost pretty ghost, it's alright,
I'll close my eyes if u don't want me to see,
You can come out I'm just a child,
May be I'm little bit crazy and wild
But don't worry, I won't hurt you,
If u don't come out, I'll come in too.
Pretty ghost pretty ghost, I wont say it again,
Alright you keep hiding there, I'm coming in.

Grey

Sometimes there is a clear picture
At times tears smudge it away,
Sometimes you love too much,
Sometimes hurting is the only way.
When I held your hand,
I knew I'd to let you go,
If you can't stand alone,
I want you to know,
That I'll wait for you...

I was stupid to let it pass,
My feelings day by day,
I wish I should've told you,
What ever I never said.
I didn't find what I was looking for,
I wanted you a little more..
And I could die for you...

Sometimes you don't know the reasons,
At times the only colour is grey,
Sometimes the answers are so simple,
Sometimes goodbye is the only way..
When skies are clouded grey,
If you'll side tears in rain,
And I'll stand with you...

You can't keep chasing wind,
When it has passed,
Like you can't go back in time,
To erase your past,
And I was standing by the door,
Not sure anymore..
But I'll keep loving you....

When you fall in love with Friend

It’s a long journey ahead of you,
It’s not going to be easy, you knew,
You will never want it to end,
And nothing you can do, but pretend !

How is it possible? It’s all you will think,
On the other side, every feeling stinks !
No, it’s not just because it’s a trend...
Just tell me what do you do?
When you fall in love with a friend..

Your smiles are all fake,
Just not to put friendship at stake,
Neither you can express what you feel,
Nor you can be with them, real !
You keep wanting them to hold your hand,
And tell me what do you do?
When you fall in love with a friend...

You try not to lose, any moments together,
Dreaming you can get closer and forever.
Not to lose that lovely friendship,
And win that heart, it’s the trouble,
It all goes like relation of water and bubble.
You keep expecting things would work out,
And spend every day then, having doubt !

It’s easy to fall in love with friends!
And very difficult to be friends then..
Should you express it? Ask yourself!
If not now, if never, then when?
Bet me, you don’t want a life like this,
And you don’t even want it to end !
So just tell me what do you do?
When you fall in love with a friend!!

Living by Illusions

Lots of things in life remain undefined, not because they didn't ever
appear to a man but because we are so consumed by everything else that
we never paid attention to them.

Gaining or loosing its all a process of life.
Many times we are surrounded by people who always protect us on matter
what happens and we never ever get to even know that we have all these
people around us who keep us safe from abusers, from over doing
ourselves, from lot many mistakes that we simply commit without even
feelin a thing. Life is all just too common.

But someday that shield of protection starts to weaken and these
people who were there to protect us give away leaving us open and
vulnerable to a mean and selfish crowd of people. At that time we fail
to understand what exactly is happening to our lives.
We are suddenly so insecure so easily hurt and we get to know that we
are being accused by so many people. We are clueless why the world
around us has fallen apart. And slowly we get to know , nothing is
actually wrong with the world or with us. But the people who were
there around us caring for us are not there anymore.
Life is not just common, but its also amazing by every means. And life
is beautiful. We just don't get to see it the way it is. We don't get
to understand so many phenomena around us because we are consumed by
materialism, fame, greed and our desires which have blinded us all. We
are all living lives encompassed by illusions and we fail to look
beyond them.

--
Sent from my mobile device.

Hate to Love, and Love to Hate.

Yea, its morning, sun is overhead,
But I'm still under my blanket, cozy in bed,
My heart still pains, still can't forget,
Your voice yelling, echoes in my head.

I tell myself, this is last scuffle,
Then I melt like ice, break like bubble,
I hug my pillow and I cry,
My heart is a maim bird, can't fly,
And you are so ignorant,
You won't realize what I'm going through,
To know, I Hate that I love, and I love that I hate you.

You held me in your arms,
Then you crushed me,
I believed you won't leave,
Believed you won't hurt me.
Now alone I know, you left me empty,
Your promises were all lies,
How shallow you can be,
And there is nothing that I can do,
But I Hate that I Love,
And love that I hate you.

I don't need you anymore,
To soothe me of my nightmares,
I'm tired of waiting,
Now I've more of myself, to share, to dare,
And I tried, but just can't forgive you,
So I Hate that I Love, and I Love that I Hate you.

Broken Dreams.

I wrote this poem when I was feeling a bit low some years back.
We all dream about things we wanted in life, and things that we feel
we deserve, but more often either we loose things or we find out that
what we knew and dreamed of where incorrect, impossible, and
irreplaceable..

As a child my imaginations were queer,
What's the world outside I would fear,
In my dreams of blue grass and purple sky,
Things would just float, and hopes would fly.

I grew up to know, I was so wrong,
I grew up to know, dreams do lie.

As a kid, I dreamt of space,
Where stars would be so near,
I'll tie them up with a lace.
That someday I'll grow up and touch the moon,
And all my dreams shattered , soon.

As a teen my fantasies just grew,
But they were all fake, deep down I knew.
When I spent hours gazing fireflies and stars,
I was so sure there is life on mars.
And my Science teacher told it's not true,
I felt betrayed by everyone I knew.
I faced it all, All those writings on the wall,
Every dream that I painted there,
Ended up getting tainted somewhere.

I gathered courage to face it like am adult,
If not this then in which world?

I read too many romantic stories,
That charm, beauty, eternal glory,
I had faith that love does exists,
I didn't know why everyone resists.

But there is so much pain, and heartache,
I realized truth is hard to take.

Its not the world as we always dream of,
And some dreams better be broken.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Don't Quit

Some 10 years back I came across a beautiful poem in one of the self
help books. I've came across a few other versions of the poems with a
few changes here and there, but the essence of the poem stays with me
in heart. So here I am, sharing it with you.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but don't quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won, he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow,
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggles has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learnt too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown,
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit,
Its when things seem worst that you must not Quit.
--

P.S. There are many people who claim this poem is written by someone they might have known or are related to. I can neither support, verify or deny any of those claims. But the most important part stays as being inspired by the poem and sharing it with people.

Crossroads

Sometimes to success, sometimes to failure,
Sometimes I am, standing in mid of no where.
Sometimes to life, sometimes to death,
Hey! Give me a minute to catch my breath.
These cross roads give a million doubts,
And I've to think what to think about.
Pondering I proceed in an unknown direction,
Unsure if I'll achieve so called perfection.
Roaming all over world around.
Its the crossroads I stand at, I found.
I try to escape somewhere if i can hide,
But a known face appears on every side.
Like me countless people stroll of every kind,
And I've a million dreams, sprouting in my mind.
I sit clueless starring at my clock,
My feeling slowly begin to choke,
Somehow I get up and shout,
God, is there any way out?
--